THE ZORDON OF ELTAR SHOW #5
by Joe Rovang (jrovang@mindspring.com)

Guests:
Trini Kwan
Prince Gasket and Archerina
Royal House of Gadgetry

[Gasket and Archerina walk onto the darkened set.]

GASKET:  All right, who's the greatest warrior here?

TREY OF COURAGE (manning Camera Three):  I am, and
I'm not afraid to admit it.

TREY OF WISDOM (manning Camera Two, to Trey of
Courage):  Don't be stupid.  He just wants to recruit you for his
evil purposes.

TREY OF HEART (manning Camera One, to Trey of
Wisdom):  Now, now, be nice.

ROCKY (looking up from his clipboard, to Gasket):  Hey, get
backstage!  The show's about to start!

[Gasket sighs and walks backstage.]

ROCKY:  Okay, folks, let's do it.  Action in three, two...
(points to Alpha)

ALPHA:  It's everyone's favorite late night talk show - the
Zordon of Eltar Show!  And now, here's the man named after a
bunch of big robots, Zordon of Eltar!

[Lights fade up, and Zordon walks onstage and stands in front
of his desk.]

ZORDON:  Thank you, thank you!  (to Alpha)  Uh, for the
record, the Zords were named after _me_.

[Silence.]

ZORDON:  All right, let's get on with the show.  (sitting at his
desk)  Who's our first guest?

ROCKY (scanning his clipboard):  Trini Kwan.

ZORDON:  Who?

[Trini walks onstage and extends her hand to Zordon.]

ZORDON (shaking her hand):  Oh yeah, the quitter.

TRINI:  I went to a Peace Conference.

ZORDON:  Please sit down.

[Trini sits.]

ZORDON:  So, you know, Jason came back from the Peace
Conference.  Why are you still hanging around Switzerland?

TRINI:  Well, I wanted to come back to Angel Grove, but I ...
kept having this recurring nightmare about going to Los
Angeles and falling out of a window.  So I stayed away from
California altogether.

ZORDON:  How odd...

[A large crow lands on Zordon's desk.]

ZORDON (to crow as he brushes it away):  Oh, would you get
out of here!

TRINI:  Would you mind if I asked _you_ a question, Zordon?

ZORDON:  Not at all.

TRINI:  Why did I spontaneously swap genders whenever I
morphed into the Yellow Ranger?

ZORDON (chuckling):  I don't know what you're talking
about...

BILLY (over PA system):  No, really, I've always wondered
that too, Zordon.

[Trini looks up at Billy in the booth.]

TRINI (shouting):  Billy, you're too high!!

GOLDAR:  I'm with them.  Trini did look like a guy when she
morphed.

ZORDON:  No she didn't.  She ... (looking around nervously)
... just didn't have a skirt, that's what's throwing you.  Kimberly
wanted a skirt, Trini didn't.  End of story.

TRINI:  My body looked like a man's!

ZORDON (sighing):  All right, look, Ninjor didn't want me to
tell anybody this, but the Power Coins were built before the
women's movement, and he only thought there would be one
girl on the team when he designed the Ranger templates.

TRINI:  Templates?

ZORDON:  You know, the shape and skills you acquired from
morphing.

RITO:  Oh, so that's why Rocky actually had muscles when he
morphed!

ROCKY (looking up from clipboard):  Hey!

ZORDON:  Exactly.  (to Trini)  I hope I didn't scar you for life
too badly.

TRINI:  Don't worry about it.  You can just pay for my therapy.

ZORDON (looking at an imaginary watch):  Oh, sorry, that's
all the time we have for you.  Next!

TRINI:  But...

ZORDON:  Next!

[Trini reluctantly gets up and heads offstage.  At the same
time, Gasket and Archerina are walking onstage.]

ARCHERINA (shouting at Trini, clutching Gasket's arm
defensively):  Get your own man!!

[Trini blinks, shrugs, then goes backstage.]

[Gasket and Archerina sit down in the chairs beside Zordon's
desk.]

ZORDON:  Welcome, Prince Gasket and Lady Archerina.

GASKET:  Thank you for having us here, Zordon.  This
publicity will do wonders for my recruiting.

ZORDON:  Recruiting?

GASKET:  Yes, I'm collecting the greatest warriors of the
universe.

ZORDON:  Why?

GASKET (dramatically):  I'm going to start my own golf team,
and together we shall make all the other golfers of the universe
tremble in fear!

ZORDON:  But... the greatest warriors of the universe aren't
necessarily good golfers.

GASKET (blinking, then beginning to cry):  Oh, isn't that just
my luck!

ARCHERINA (to Zordon):  We brought some slides from our
recent vacation to Florida.  Do you want to see them?

GASKET (having quickly regained his composure):  They're
really quite lovely.

ZORDON:  Fine.  Someone hit the lights.

[Gasket takes a coffee mug from Zordon's desk and throws it
toward one of the spotlights.]

BABOO (manning the lights):  Ouch!

[The lights dim.  The first slide appears on the wall between
Zordon and the prison pods.  We see a panoramic shot down
the beach, with the shore on the left and the boardwalk on the
right.]

ARCHERINA:  Oh, isn't it beautiful?

ZORDON (inspecting the boardwalk):  Hey, who's that girl in
the bikini contest?

ROCKY:  That's Kimberly!  There's no mistaking those br...

[Zordon glares at Rocky.]

ROCKY:  ...anches.

[The next slide appears.  We see a long shot of Archerina
posing for the camera in a bikini.]

GASKET:  Here's my lovely wife.  Isn't she gorgeous?

ZORDON:  In a metallic sorta way.

[The next slide appears.  It's Archerina again, in a slightly
different pose.]

GASKET:  And here's Archerina standing there again.

ZORDON:  Did you two actually go in the water at all?

ARCHERINA:  Of course not!  Salt water would rust us to
pieces!

ZORDON:  Did you play in the sand?

GASKET:  No, it would have gotten all in our gears.

ZORDON:  Did you do anything but stand around?

GASKET:  No.  Actually, it was pretty boring.  We left five
minutes later.

ZORDON (sarcastic):  Hmm, great slides.  Hit the lights.  I
mean turn them on.

[The lights come on.]

ZORDON:  Cue the next guests!

[Gasket and Archerina start to get up.]

ZORDON (motioning for them to sit):  No, no, stay.  You'll
love who we've got next.

[Gasket and Archerina sit down.]

GASKET:  Oh boy!

ZORDON:  Okay, bring 'em out!

[Suddenly, hundreds of machine parts rain down from a
compartment in the ceiling, littering the stage.  King Mondo's
head lands on Zordon's desk.]

ZORDON:  Ladies and gentlemen, the Royal House of
Gadgetry!

ARCHERINA (shocked):  Good heavens!

GASKET:  Father!

MONDO (shouting):  Gasket, you miserable excuse for a son! 
Where have you been?  We've been lying on the moon for
months, and do you come help us?  No!

GASKET:  Father, I thought you never wanted to see me
again...

MONDO:  Come to think of it, I don't!  I _would_ rather lie on
the moon forever than see you again!

ARCHERINA (to Mondo):  All this because of your petty
rivalry with my father!  What did he ever to do you?

MONDO:  He's okay, I guess.  But the other guys don't like
him.  I gotta go with my crew.

GASKET (standing):  That's the stupidest excuse I've ever
heard!  Let's go, Archerina.

[Archerina stands.]

ARCHERINA (to Mondo):  Hey, man, make your own
decisions.  Check yourself before you step with the wrong
crowd.  (starts to walk off with Gasket)

MONDO (calling after Gasket):  Hey, Gasket, you wanna shoot
some hoops?

[Gasket stops, looks back, and nods.]

MONDO:  Sorry for being such a jerk.

GASKET (picking up Mondo's head):  Don't worry about it. 
(walks offstage bouncing Mondo's head against the floor like a
basketball)

ARCHERINA (running after Gasket):  Hey, wait up!

[Zordon whispers "yes" to himself before being zapped by a
green beam from the booth.  He is suspended in time.]

BILLY:  Oops!  Sorry, Zordon.

[Cameras pan to Rito and Goldar.]

RITO:  Mua ha ha ha!  We have control of the airwaves at last!

GOLDAR:  Yeah!  This show is under our command!

[Rito and Goldar sit silently for several minutes, staring at the
camera.]

RITO:  Well, I've had enough.  You?

GOLDAR:  Yeah.

RITO (waving):  Good night, everybody!

[Lights fade.]